my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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