we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I believe in your delicious
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
