I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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