My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
