6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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