The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
