Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize