Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
