i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
