Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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