She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sext me about skeletons
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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