the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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