i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
