Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
