Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize