Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
