I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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