At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
