Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
