I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
