everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
