Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
