What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
