So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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