Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize