So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
