Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
