apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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