I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
