my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
