Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thus making me awesome and them whores
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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