first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
