And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
