you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize