Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
