I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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