I am puke
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
