He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
