Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize