Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
