life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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