Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
