3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
