She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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