With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
