and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
