I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
