Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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