so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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