im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
