I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry about my life...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
