I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
