I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
