I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
