C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
