hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry about my life...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
