Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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