it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
