No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
