I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You made out with two different species that night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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