He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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