Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
