Heybabeimwearingurpanties
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
