You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize