Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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