Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
