Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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